The hard, boring process of becoming

Here’s what my life has looked like over the past 15 years: I finally figure out “the truth,” then not long after, I discover the real truth. Then again. And again.

I reach the horizon at night, only to wake up in the morning and find the note it left behind.

In one moment, I believe I see the answer clearly—I’ve cracked the code, connected the dots. Finally. Victory at last! Then, two years later, I laugh at what I thought to be conquest.

Does it ever end? Will there ever be a time when I finally find the answer and nothing changes about it any longer? When do I finally become?

Or wait? This it? This is the becoming? This endless cycle of learning, iteration and hope? Which, let’s be honest, can sometimes be hard, boring, and grueling—especially when the disappointment hits that we were either far from it, or only close but not quite there.

Maybe one day I would have arrived at this elusive destination. But will that be still becoming? Or the end of it—and the beginning of death.